After baby number 4 my husband and I were so tired and so overwhelmed by the amount of work that we had to endure everyday. Because we had the last 2 babies back to back it was hard to get anything done. One person had to deal with them while the other worked their butt off. Then the older 2 girls were running crazy and doing everything, but helping. Usually, making more messes.
I knew I had to find a better way. So I came up with a system that not only encouraged good behavior but also incentive for helping with the house work.
My girls earn tokens for good behavior and housework. They cash in tokens for things like - one on one time, trips out to library or ice cream, a day off the dish duty, playing board games. I find a lot of the time they just want time individually with us. I make the amount of tokens reasonable 10-20. If it cost me money they have to have at least 20 tokens. I tell them that's because I have to do a lot of work to earn the money. So, I am also teaching work ethic.
First I thought of things the older girls can do.
My 9 year old is assigned morning dish duty every morning.
My 4 year old empties little trash cans and picks up toys every morning.
They have to do this everyday no complaints.
If they complain they still do it but when they are finished I let them know there will be no token awarded for the job. I only do this if they throw major fits.
We went to the store and we bought dry erase boards and markers, some see through containers, letter stickers and fun stickers, and some plastic tokens. I let them pick it out at the dollar tree so it did not cost a fortune. Only like $10 bucks.
We took these items home and started to decorate. They each have their own dry erase board with name and also a container for tokens with name. This took right off. They were both so excited to help and earn tokens.
This also helps with them to follow rules because they work to earn the tokens I usually only have to take one away for misbehavior.
On the dry erase boards we wrote down rules like listen to parents, no being mean to siblings. We left the real broad and simple. We keep track of chores done by smile faces. At the end of every night after brushing teeth,pajamas,and clean rooms they are awarded their tokens.
We usually leave Saturday open for cashing in the tokens.
It works if you work it consistently. It really is just a way to remind me to give them praise for when I see behavior I want from my children. And to discipline with out a lot of attention given on the matter.
When they misbehave they still get a warning that they will lose a token. Sometimes we have lost all tokens and still misbehave. I do still ground from T.V., outside, and phone. But not as often.
I have also established a way to calm my 9 year old's fits. We argue a lot. Now instead of yelling at each other we write notes back and forth until we have worked out the disagreement.
I also make her write sentences if she can not calm down to listen instead of relentless arguing we write sentences. I also write on her dry erase board. The latest things have been. "I must take responsibility for my actions." "My actions have consequences." "I am responsible for my own happiness."
"I must use problem solving skills 1. Identify the problem 2. come up with possible solutions 3. Act on the best possible solution."
" If I have a problem I can't fix I need to ask for help"
I always reassure her that being 9 is hard. She will be 18 in another 9 years and responsible for herself. She is already half grown. I have to set higher expectations of her. I can no longer physically make her do what I want. I can only let her know of the consequences of her decisions.
It really does work I am not afraid to take the whole bunch by myself to dinner or any where else. We always get compliments how good they are. My standards are high but I know they can do it. Plus I feel like I have to teach them all I can and fast cause they grow up so quickly.
My 2 year old is now earning tokens. Only one left to get on board.
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